Where’s your cardio, hero?

I have ran millions of miles in video games.  I have also ran many miles in real life and I know that I can run for a solid hour before I get completely gassed out. However, I do not believe a vast majority of video game developers have ever ran in their lives.

Currently I am about to finish Alan Wake, expect a review later today or tomorrow, but what bothers me about that game (and so many more as well) is his extremely pathetic flat-out ridiculous conditioning. Wake can sprint for roughly seven seconds before he is completely dead tired and need to stop. Seven seconds. And this is when he only carries a flashlight with him. What where the crazy Finnish people thinking when they put that in? Do they believe that a male in good physical shape in his 30:s only can sprint for seven seconds? Does that sound realistic? I think that a 200 kg McDonald’s for life fatty can sprint for more than that if it really tries and is rewarded with curly fries.

Are all decisions regarding cardio in games this idiotic like in Alan Wake? Of course not. In Silent Hill 3, we have the lovely woman Heather. She can sprint forever. Well, I do not know about forever, but for over a good solid 10 minutes at least. Should Alan Wake retire from video games considering a woman can outrun him by a tremendous percentage? Most likely, or he should live in the gym every single day until/if Alan Wake 2 is released. But Wake is not the only pathetic male in terms of running in video games. Take the highly popular Call of Duty franchise where you play as special marine forces and military forces.  They can also only sprint for about seven seconds. It is definitely less than 10 seconds. These are highly trained government elite soldiers and you are telling me that my cat can stand on two legs longer than these men can run? Is that a joke or what? Sure, they are carrying heavy artillery and ammunition, but they have been trained for it for several months, sometimes years.

So what is my point with this entry? Well, it is totally badmouth every single developer that has a sprinting time for less than 5 minutes. Unless the game is for like Rufus from Street Fighter IV. You people should be ashamed of yourself’s for your poor decisions to implement fake and unrealistic cardio for fit men in video games. Go to a gym and do your homework on running before trying to make a game. That is all.

He may look badass, but his conditioning is absolutely pathetic. You can officially feel good about your running abilities. You out-run elite-trained U.S. Army soldiers.


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